Intimacy: Can Developmental Trauma Make It Hard For Someone To Show Up In A Relationship?


What someone may find, if they were to end up in a relationship, is that it is far harder than they expected it to be. There will then be what they thought it would be like and what their experience is actually like.

Now, this is not to say that they won’t have had a relationship before, although this could be the case. But, since their last relationship, they could believe that they have changed a lot.

The Main Challenge

When it comes to their current relationship, they could find that it is typically hard for them to be themselves. Therefore, the person who they are now will be a shadow of the person they were before.

They could be so different that it’s as though they have ended up becoming someone else. If this change related to their appearance and they were to see themselves in the mirror, they might not even recognise themselves.

A Closer Look

If they were asked to explain what is taking place, they could say that they lose touch with their feelings and needs, and they can’t think clearly. Along with this, they could say that they have the need to get away as far as possible from their partner.

Due to this, if they are in their company, it is not going to be possible for them to operate as a whole human being. They will be living on the surface of themselves around them and their partner is likely to notice that something isn’t right, that’s if they are not fully aware of what is going on.

A Very Different Experience

Naturally, being this way around their partner is going to make it more or less impossible for them to enjoy their company. It is not going to matter how much they enjoyed being around them before and appreciate them.

Earlier on, their time around them may have typically been pleasurable and they may have looked forward to being in their company. If what they are experiencing was a small difference, it could just be put down to the fact that they are now in a different stage of their relationship.

A Threat

Based on what is going on for them, it could be said that it’s as if their partner is a threat to their very survival as opposed to someone who is their life companion. This is why they lose themselves in their company and have the need to get away from them.

If they were able to settle down and reflect on their partner’s behaviour, what they may find is that they are not doing anything that is particularly negative. Therefore, how they themselves are behaving can be seen as being totally irrational.

A Strange Scenario

If they were in a relationship with a dragon or a monster, it could be said that their behaviour would be normal. This being would be far more powerful than them, so it is to be expected that they wouldn’t be able to settle down around them and would have the need to get away.

In other words, there would be a massive power imbalance between them. The truth, however, is that they are not with someone who has this level of power; they are with a fellow human being.

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